The Space - my children's book, free

One thing I do feel some 'Dad Pride' over is that I think I gave my boys a decent introduction to books, through our regular bedtime stories. Reading the classics inevitably gave me the idea, along with 99% of the population, that I might have a book of my own in me.

That book has sat in a drawer for years (and yes I have bought the Writers and Artists' Yearbook). As I have largely given up hope of having it properly published, I thought I would post it here so you can have it for free (although see back page about donations...)

Download for free from http://tinyurl.com/TheSpaceBook

I would be delighted if you were to download it, read it with your kids (you can print it, or the PDF actually works pretty well on a tablet or smartphone), share it...

And please let me know here, by email on jonmsutton@gmail.com or on Twitter @jonmsutton what you think of it. Some might say the plot makes no sense whatsoever... I prefer to think it leaves space for valuable parent/child discussion...

Free PDF download from http://tinyurl.com/TheSpaceBook
View on desktop, tablet or smartphone
Print
Share
Feedback
Donate?

Too young to be a Dad?

On my holiday I read a very interesting piece from Yvonne Roberts in The Observer magazine. It points out that 'no statistics are kept on the number of "young fathers" – classified as anyone becoming a dad under the age of 24, and often much younger'. There are interesting contributions from Shane Ryan of Working With Men:

Ryan says many of the young men he works with are already marginalised, from ethnic minority groups or less affluent backgrounds; some may have come from families with a history of abuse or mental health issues, or have been in trouble at school. "Once they become dads, too often that pattern of exclusion begins again. They are expected to fail when they have assets and love to offer. Some teenage mothers, support services and grandparents can make it extremely difficult for them to gain a foothold in their children's lives."

There are some really touching contributions from young fathers, and links to other resources. For me, this is the nub of it:

Mark S Kiselica writes in When Boys Become Parents, "For too long our culture has treated boys who become fathers… as detached misfits who are the architects of many of our nation's problems, rather than seeing these youth for who they really are: young men trying to navigate a complex array of difficult life circumstances that place them at a tremendous disadvantage." Investment in high-quality compulsory relationship education in schools and a national holistic service for young parents would benefit children, mums and dads. It would save the taxpayer money in the long run, since absent and neglectful dads also exact a cost, as many of the young fathers interviewed testified about their own childhoods. "They can become the men they want to be," says Shane Ryan.

The issues are also covered in more depth in this article on disadvantaged young fathers-to-be.
 

Further reading

After my post on reading to your children to mark the Booktrust campaign to get more Dads involved, I went home and found a load of books on their shelves which I should have mentioned. So here's part two of my recommendations.

Picture books
I'm a fan of Jeanne Willis, particularly 'There's an ouch in my pouch' and 'Bottom's up'. Cressida Cowell, better known for 'How to train your dragon', has written a superb series of Emily Brown books, particularly 'Emily Brown and the Thing', which is a very handy tale if your child gets scared at bedtimes. 'How Santa Really Works', by the appropriately named Alan Snow, is great for building up the pre-Christmas excitement. And for a modern classic, look no further than Shaun Tan's 'The Lost Thing', which is also available as an award-winning animation from iTunes etc.

Young fiction
As I said in the last post, I find a lot of modern fiction aimed at young boys intensely irritating and just really badly written. I tend to try to go back to the classics that I loved as a boy, and then sometimes find (e.g. the Willard Price 'Adventure' series) that they really haven't stood the test of time.
The one exception is the Jack Stalwart series by Elizabeth Singer Hunt. Spying, gadgets, travel, what more could you want? She's a lovely lady too - when my son emailed her with a suggestion for a new gadget she sent a really considerate reply.

The classics
I've got a soft spot for Robert Westall's 'The Machine Gunners' and you could do an awful lot worse than getting a Shirley Hughes collection and the complete Winnie the Pooh - two beautiful editions your children will be able to pass on to their children.
But to me the winner hands down is 'The Iron Man' by Ted Hughes. 'A children's story in five nights', this is a beautiful, poetic, modern fairy tale and I still can't get enough of it. And if your child has a 'Book day' at school where they have to go dressed as a character, how about making Harry Potter disappear for once and making a Space Bat Angel Dragon costume?

'Where would you go? You choose…'

My boys have always had books at bedtime, in fact to the extent that they now see missing a night as a huge punishment. Sometimes after a long day it's the last thing you want to do, but I'm a firm believer in the benefits. These days my wife and I take one boy each, or at weekends we might take it in turns to do shared stories.

So I am right behind the Booktrust campaign to Get Dads Reading. To be honest, I wouldn't say their survey is that worrying though:

'A new poll, carried out for Booktrust by Opinium, reveals that just 13% are the main reader with their child, with a quarter of fathers saying that the demand for them to work late means that they do not have time to read together more often.'

… Why would we necessarily want Dads to be the 'main reader' or 'take the lead' at bedtimes? I read to my children pretty much every night but it's very much a shared activity with my wife so I wouldn't say I'm the 'main reader' or 'take the lead'. And I'm also surprised it isn't more than 25% of Dads saying that work means they don't have the time to read together 'more often'. That doesn't mean they don't read to them quite a lot. And I'm not sure it constitutes a 'crisis'.

But there's always room for improvement, so I'll share my tips on reading to children:

- A great book to start with, for all but the youngest children, is one that I think I got free from Booktrust. You Choose by Pippa Goodheart is a simple and superb picture book that encourages all sorts of flights of fancy and weird conversations.

Where will you go?
You choose.

- If you've got 5-10 year olds, I would avoid books that are designed for them to read to themselves. Let them do that. I really can't stand reading Beast Quest type books... they're badly written and often make no sense at all, to a Dad at least.
- Instead, stick to the classics. You can't beat Where the Wild Things Are (modelled in this article by my boys), Danny Champion of the World, Norse myths (this edition is simply stunning), Just William, etc.
- Don't just read, improvise. At the moment the boys are loving Famous Five stories. I'll chuck in little asides - for example, when the children are let loose on an unaccompanied camping holiday (obviously in a pre-mobile phone era), I add in a bit where Julian decides they really are in rather mortal peril and perhaps they should actually write to their parents to inform them of this; on receiving the letter a few days later, the parents write back to enquire whether it's urgent enough that they should cut short their own holiday and come to the rescue; etc). This causes fits of laughter, and lots of incredulous 'does it really say that?' (which, to be fair, they also say a lot for the bits that really are in the book).
- It's fine to stretch them, but if you start a book that's probably a bit old for them and they're obviously not enjoying it, just stop after a couple of chapters. There's nothing worse than bedtime reading becoming a chore for all parties, and I made that mistake with the David Walliams books.
- If you don't want to read a story the whole time, these Lego books take some beating!
- For other non-fiction, the 'See inside' series is excellent. My favourites are Science, and Your head, which had two superb psychologists, Chris and Uta Frith, serving as consultants to help out their own son Alex Frith. 
- If you really can't face the nightly read, putting an audio book on for them is better than nothing.

That's my advice, for what it's worth. Sometimes 20 mins of reading seems like quite a chore when all you want to do is flop down in front of the telly. But apart from anything else it's a great time for a cuddle, and I personally am not looking forward to the day when they don't want a story anymore.

What would a Mumsnet for Dads look like?

You've probably heard of Mumsnet. It's rather successful, with over 8 million visits per month. I don't really have much experience of it and certainly won't be stripping off in M&S over it. But is there an equivalent for Dads, and if not what would one look like?

On the Mumsnet forum itself, somebody points out that the Mumsnet slogan 'by parents for parents – because Dads can be Mums too'. I'm not arguing for segregation, but I'm also not sure that really does it for me.

There is in fact a Dadsnet, but it hardly seems to be a hive of activity – there are very few threads and the front page says rather folornly 'most ever users online was 45'. Does that sum up the demand? Are Dads just not that bothered, or do we meet to discuss Dad-related issues in the real world rather than virtual?

I would love to hear your thoughts on the following:

1) Are there virtual communities of Dads out there?

2) If not, why not?

3) What would 'Dad versions' of various existing sites look like?