Dad song #12

Inspired by a Father's Day viewing of the surprisingly funny 'Daddy's Home'…

My son calls another man daddy
He'll ne'er know my name nor my face
God only knows how it hurts me
For another to be in my place

Dad song #11

Today's Dad song is 'Father and son' by Cat Stevens.

It's a well-known song, with many cover versions over the years that don't compare to the original (step forward Ronan Keating, who should never be allowed to record another cover after changing the lyrics to Fairytale of New York). Perhaps less well-known is that it was originally written about a father pleading with his son not to join the Russian Revolution.

In its broader interpretation, the lyrics can apply to pretty much any Dad not understanding their child's desire to break away and form a new life. I thought of it this week on seeing Tom Daley's YouTube video where he announced he is dating another man. My heart goes out to the lad, and I wondered – as Tom acknowledges, many people will be thinking this – what his Dad would have said?

Unfortunately we'll never know, but from the outside they seemed to have a really strong and loving relationship. Despite the mixed reaction he has received from some family members, I suspect that as he says his Dad would have simply said 'As long as you're happy, I'm happy'. That would be the 'Dad Pride' way, and I'm sure most Dads can identify with that.

Any Dads that are more resistant might react along the lines of the words in Cat Stevens' song:

It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

But if they do, they can expect the son's reposte:

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

As ever, listening and learning from your child – and not treating every interaction as a chance to teach them a life lesson – has to be the key to good parenting.

Incidentally, Tom Daley's video also reminded me of this story from earlier in the year. As the quote at the bottom says, "The fact that it has been shared by so many sadly means that this kind of acceptance is both too rare and deeply craved by LGBT people so used to being rejected by families."

Dad song #10

Dads: don't neglect your other halves, or this is what will happen.

This song was written by Dolly Parton but recorded and released first by Emmylou Harris. Emmylou's own father went missing in action during the Korean War.

Happy Fathers' Day!

I hope you are getting something out of my blog. If not, there are loads of others out there – check out this list of the top 50 Dad blogs.

I am scheduling this post in advance as I will be off doing Father's Day things: specifically, gatecrashing the party of one of my sons' friends, because they're going to watch Man of Steel and I very much fancy some of that! This does of course mean my other son is left out for most of the day. But Man of Steel!!

I leave you with some Johnny Cash, which just feels appropriate to me on Father's Day. Get the family round, sing bass, job done.

And remember to ask your kids today: 'Am I the Dad you need me to be?'

Dad song #9

I'm somewhat obsessed with Lee Hazlewood at the moment, and this is the perfect song for my blog. I believe he wrote it for Nancy Sinatra, who recorded it as a tribute to her Dad Frank (who used to have 12 showers a day).

There's a man who always stood right by me
Tall and proud and good when times were bad
Too much heart, is the only fault that I see
This song's not for you folks
It's for my Dad
Always a partner, a playmate and a teacher
Ready with a joke when times were sad
And in my teens, sometimes he was a preacher
This song's not for you folks
It's for my Dad
He always was a rock when I needed one
He gave me good advice when I needed some
I want you to know that when It's said and done
He's one of the best friends I ever had... I ever had
This song's not for you folks
It's for my Dad.

… I like the idea of 'too much heart' as a fault. It reminds me of job interviews, where the interviewer says 'We've heard a lot about your strengths, now what about your weaknesses?' 'I'm too honest'. 'Oh, I don't think honesty is a fault!' 'I couldn't give a **** what you think.'

Dad song #8

This song just came on my iPod, and I thought it was well worth posting here as the finest tribute to a lost Dad that I have heard.

It's 'You were a boxer' from the Pacific Ocean Fire album 'Hibernation songs', from 2010 I think. The Leicester band featured twins Jon and Andy Bennett, who I have known on and off for many years.
The song is about their Dad Paul, who they had lost to leukemia not long before. It breaks my heart every time…
'you, you were made of rocks and stone, not white blood cells and borrowed bone'
'shut, shut the window, wash your hands, cos this, this was not part of the plan'
'You, you were made of hurricane, selflessness and Sky Blue blood inside your veins' [he was a Coventry fan]
and most of all 'you, you were made of something real, in a world where we all lie and cheat and steal.'

It can't have been easy to write and record, but I'm glad they did and I think their Dad would have been proud.

Paul was one of those Dads that I only met a handful of times but who nevertheless had a big impact on my own parenting. When I went to stay with Jon and Andy a couple of times when I was around the age of 16, he didn't seem that different from my own Dad: he worked hard and was therefore understandably a little tired and irritable. His generosity in taking in a confused teenager he barely knew for days on end wasn't really appreciated at the time. But after losing touch with Jon and Andy during my university years and beyond I was glad to have the chance to talk to their Dad at gigs getting on for 20 years later, to thank him for his hospitality and to see how time and retirement change you as a person and a father. He now seemed so relaxed, thrilled by his sons' music and just there for them with a smile on his face.

I'm struggling at the moment, in numerous mundane and self-absorbed ways. I just hope that when I eventually come up for air, my own kids will still be able to see through to the core of me as beautifully as Jon and Andy did with their Dad.

Paul would have been 64 last week. Jon just told me 'I can't figure out whether it seems 5 minutes or a lifetime since I saw him'. RIP.

The fatherhood / the motherhood

You may well have seen these videos, ads for a new Fiat.

As is often the way, the 'Motherhood' one is better.

Dad song #8

If you find yourself committed to a mental institution, who you gonna call? Daddy, of course.

Dad song #7

I am currently having a real Lee Hazlewood spell – the good people at Light in the Attic are doing some great reissues. But this morning it was the turn of his three albums with Nancy Sinatra, and I came across this little ditty, 'Tippy toes', from 'Nancy and Lee'.

'One of the nicest things about being a big people, 

is discovering that you can make little people, 

and little girl people are something extra special to their Daddies'.

I've got boys, so I can't comment!

Dad songs #5 and #6

It's a Billy Bragg special today, following requests from fellow psychologists Mike Eslea and Mike Page.

First we have 'Brickbat' from the 'William Bloke' album, when Bragg was coming to terms with his domesticity and life as a father.

"I used to want to plant bombs at the Last Night of the Proms / But now you'll find me with the baby, in the bathroom / With that big shell listening for the sound of the sea / The baby and me..."

Then it's 'Tank park salute' from 'Don't try this at home'. In this 2003 interview he describes it as the most honest thing he's written. When he sings 'You were so tall: how could you fall?' I defy you not to get a shiver down your spine and a tear in your eye.

Billy Bragg: I wrote that about my father who died in 1976. It was strange because I had never really spoken about that to anybody at the time he died really up until I wrote that song. When I wrote that song, playing it live, people would come up to me and tell me about an experience they had with…not necessarily a family member, just someone dear to them who was lost. So I had to suddenly find a way of speaking about it. Now even to the extent of speak about it on TV, which I had never had done before.

Andrew Denton: What was it you wrote that expressed you?

Billy Bragg: Well, really, I suppose about my relationship with my father and how I felt about the sense of loss. I suppose that's obvious to anybody. But there's some things in there about, you know, about being tall and him being strong and all those dad things that dads are. I've had big burly guys who have just loaded all the gear into the truck come to me afterwards and say, "That song about your dad, I thought it was great." You can't really ask for more than that.

Andrew Denton: Part of the thing with your father dying — as you were saying, he was a big strong man — but when your father dies he's suddenly made small.

Billy Bragg: He is. He's made mortal. When I became a father myself, it gave me a completely different perspective. Really great as well, because just recently last month was the 50th anniversary of my parents getting married. I was walking along the beach that day and I was speaking to my mum and I thought to myself, "What would be the thing of all the things I've achieved that I would most proud to show to my dad?" 

And it occurred to me it'd be my son, Jack, that was the thing I'm most proud of. When I thought about it that, it further occurred to me that the thing he was probably most proud of was me and my brother. And that made me feel closer to him on that day, that special day.

Dad song #5

Another one that I have always sung to my boys. I think this is an old Appalachian ballad, adapted by Woody Guthrie and sung beautifully here by Richard Hawley from the album 'Cole's Corner'.

Dad song #4 'Daddy, what if I stopped loving you?'

Shel Silverstein on the Johnny Cash Show, via Brain Pickings.

Dad song #3

'Lullaby' by Arco. I have always sung this to my boys. Beautiful.

Dad song #2 and #3

The great Richard Hawley played live at Maida Vale yesterday and included a couple of songs in the set that speak to the love between father and son. 

'I'm on nights' is, he says, 'about the love I was shown by my Dad'.

'Don't stare at the sun', his new single, is about him flying a kite with his youngest son. While high on LSD. 

Dad song #2

'The story of Isaac', in which Leonard Cohen gives the fatherly advice 'don't sacrifice your 9-year-old sons. Unless you've had a vision.'

Dad song #1

Ian Broudie addresses his baby son Riley in this 1992 hit:

So here's your life,
we'll find our way,
we're sailing blind,
but it's certain nothing's certain.

I don't mind,
I get the feeling
you'll be fine,
I still believe
that in this World,
we've got to find the time...
for the Life of Riley.

From cradles and sleepless nights,
you breathe in life forever,
and stare at the World from deep under eiderdown.
Although this World is a crazy ride,
you just take your seat and hold on tight.